I was empty when I filmed this.

Aside from the day it all happened, this (Tuesday, May 7th) was the hardest day. I can't say it was the most emotional day or even saddest day, because when experiencing the worst of a depressive episode, it's not really the sadness or extreme emotion that gets you....it's the feeling of absolute nothingess.

As I mention in the video, I have suffered from serious bouts of depression in the past, with the peak being in my 20s before I started going to therapy. While I’ve had periodic dips over the past few decades, this day reminded me of some of the lowest points I’ve experienced in my life.

Looking at this almost 2 weeks later, the fact that I was able to come out of this hole as “quickly” as I did speaks to decades of work I’ve put into my mental health. I’m proud of this resilience. The goal is not to avoid experiencing these feelings. The goal is to find ways to feel and then move past. I have moved past. But this is a live look in to the hole I was in.