The Difference Between Empathy and Compassion with #frankanderson
Frank Anderson IFS Internal Family Systems (free webinar https://webinars.therapywisdom.com/b...)

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Transcript:
Empathy is important, but if it's too much, it can be overwhelming. Compassion is also important, but if we only hold compassion without empathy, sometimes people can feel we're too distant from them. Okay, let me say that again to ensure clarity: empathy is very important. Parts need us to feel it, but when we're too much in our own experience, it can feel overwhelming to someone because it's more about us and our histories than it is about them.

Compassion, on the other hand, is really useful, but if it's too much compassion without empathy, without that resonating or connecting in an appropriate amount, it can feel distancing. Like, "Where are you?" I've had clients say, "You don't get me, you're not really feeling it." Too much compassion, not enough empathy. We're constantly needing this combination.

What neuroscience shares with us is when somebody is sympathetically activated, in that fight or flight state, compassion is more useful. We hold the space for somebody when they're sympathetically activated. If we join them in their feelings, it's too much energy. Energy gets energy. It's like, "I'm freaking out. Yes, so am I." Not helpful. Okay, so when somebody is sympathetically activated, compassion's a better stance.

When somebody is shut down, dissociated, numb, and disconnected, empathy is more useful. We're wanting to try to connect with them. They have protective parts that are shutting them down. We want to try to empathically resonate so we can help them connect to the feelings that parts of them are shutting down.

So, when somebody's activated, compassion is a better position. When somebody's shut down or dissociated, empathy tends to be better. And when wounds are present, usually a combination of empathy and compassion is the best combination.

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