Kristin M, Snowden, MA, LMFT, CDWF specializes in betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and helping individuals/couples navigate relationship crises (Cohosted by Tami Verhelst of SexandRelationshipHealing.com). This webinar lists the signs of an "unhealthy" versus "healthy" relationship. This is a helpful webinar for those who are currently in a relationship crisis due to betrayal, uncovering an addiction, emotional abuse or other relational traumas. As you begin the repair and healing process, its important to understand the goals you're working toward. Or if you're leaving your current relationship, its important to know what to avoid or work toward in the next relationship. Kristin shares what "relationship experts" such as Interpersonal Neurobiologist Dr. Dan Siegel, Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Brene Brown, and Dr. John Gottman cite as traits and elements of healthy, long lasting, pairbonded relationships. She also shares signs and symptoms of unhealthy relationships.
(THIS IS EDUCATIONAL ONLY, THIS IS NOT THERAPY)
UNHEALTHY Relationships have the following present:
lying, abuse, neglect
fear of harm, strong distrust of the other
shaming, belittling, manipulation
Power OVER dynamics, rather than equal sharing of power
Threats, ultimatums, quid pro quo, coercion, attempts to control the other
strong focus of whats wrong with the relationship or other person
changing who you are to fit what you think the other person wants
the relationship moves from one intense moment to another
there are NO repair attempts
there are NO boundaries or rules for healthily dealing with conflict
HEALTHY Relationships have the following traits:
the other person feels more stabilizing rather than destabilizing to your life and body
your partner helps coregulate (rather than dysregulate) your nervous system
The 4 S's are presentSAFETY, SEEN, SOOTHED, and SECURE attachment
attunementask questions, connect with "inner world" of the other
willingness to repair
accountability
willingness to be vulnerableshare not just good parts but bad parts of experiences
presence of conflict but an ability to do so with respect, avoiding blame, clear communication
safe physical touch and emotional connection
desire to help the other person feel safe, work toward healing together
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Highlights
1:23 Exploring what relationships experts say lead to fulfilling relationships
4:20 how to apply this information
6:15 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships
6:45 What is neglect?
7:28 Shaming and Belittling
8:40 Relationship crises with active addicts and betrayed partners
9:35 Power over and power under
11:00 Boundaries versus coercion
12:20 Changing who I am to get or prevent a certain outcome
14:45 No repair attempts
16:18 Signs of a Healthy, connected, balanced relationship
16:40 How our nervous system impacts our relationships
17:26 How a healthy relationship can coregulate your nervous system
19:40 The importance of pairbonding and secure attachment
21:00 How to feel more safe, connected, and intimate
23:30 Repairing a relationship
25:23 Importance of attunement
28:34 Feeling "soothed"self care and asking for help
31:24 autonomy versus your "responsibility" to your partner
32:45 final elements seen in healthy relationships
Get my FREE eBook: A Guide to Navigating Relationship Crisis: https://bit.ly/RelationshipCrisis to set you down a path toward healing and clarity. It’s a small collection of education, important first steps, and resources to get you through the initial crisis period.
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Kristin is the coauthor of Life Anonymous: 12 Steps to Heal & Transform Your Life http://bit.ly/LifeAnonymousBook