https://www.transferoutpnes.com I have to be completely honest, when I came to this realization, when I was inspired with that thought, I was immediately excited… and then filled with an unsettling anxiety. I never thought about it because I was so practiced in living in today that I hadn’t thought about that time. I had put it out of my mind because that wasn’t my life anymore. When I started to think about it I remember the fear each time because I knew I was about to become a prisoner inside my body; I could hear everything around me but even after the seizure passed I couldn’t let them know I was inside, completely aware. After I was able to regain control I could tell them exactly what they talked about the entire time, even during the seizure. Remembering also brought back the memory of the physical pain I felt anytime I started to have a seizure and was in a less than ideal position. I remember having my arms on the armrests of my chair and as the rigidity set in and my limbs began to contract, I can feel the pain I had when my body was trying to force my arms inwards but they were being physically blocked from doing it. I remember the most terrifying event I have ever gone through – the day that I had a seizure while I was sitting up in my bed, and when my body went limp sliding face first into a pillow. I remember the fear that came over me at knowing I was going to die. I wasn’t afraid I may die – I knew I was going to. I was screaming out in my head – I was praying so strongly – I didn’t want to leave my children. I can’t help but cry as I write this. I had never felt that before, to know I was about to die. I was face down for what seemed like an eternity but in actuality was about 5 minutes. It was only because my guardian angels had come to check on me that I can even share this. When they came in my hair was covering my face, if they hadn’t moved my hair off my face in that gesture of compassion and love they wouldn’t have seen that I was completely. My eyes were open, and they could hear by the gasps of air I swallowed and the uncontrollable sobs that began what had almost happened. We were all in a state of shock. I couldn’t really talk for the rest of the night – I couldn’t get my mind around what happened. Over the next few days as I came out of my shock I realized that this was a true fight for my life. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t going to do to overcome this.