Monty Python International Hairdressers Expedition on Everest

Voice Over: Mount Everest. Forbidding. Aloof. Terrifying. This year, this remote Himalayan mountain, this mystical temple, surrounded by the most difficult terrain in the world, repulsed yet another attempt to conquer it. This time, by the International Hairdresser's Expedition. In such freezing, adverse conditions, man comes very close to breaking point. What was the real cause of the disharmony which destroyed their chances at success?

First Climber: Well, people would keep taking your hairdryer and never returning it.

Second Climber: There was a lot of bitching in the tents.

Third Climber: You couldn't get near the mirror.

Voice Over: The leader of the expedition was Colonel Sir John 'TeasyWeasy' Butler, veteran of K2, Annapurna, and Vidals. His plan was to ignore the usual route around the South Col and to make straight for the top.

Colonel: We established base salon here, and climbed quite steadily up to Mario's here. From here using crampons and cutting ice steps as we went, we moved steadily up the Lhotse Face to the North Ridge, establishing camp three where we could get a hot meal, a manicure, and a shampoo and set.

Voice Over: Could it work? Could this eighteenyear old hairdresser from Brixton succeed where others had failed? The situation was complicated by the imminent arrival of the monsoon storms. Patrice takes up the story.

Patrice: Well, we knew as well as anyone that the monsoons were due, but the thing was, Ricky and I had just had a blow dry and rinse, and we couldn't go out for a couple of days.

Voice Over: After a blazing row, the Germans and Italians had turned back, taking with them the last of the hair nets. On the third day a blizzard blew up. Temperatures fell to minus thirty centigrade. Inside the little tent, things were getting desperate.

Ricky: Well, things have got so bad that we've been forced to use the last of the heavy oxygen equipment just to keep the dryers going.

Woman: Cup of Milo, love.

Ricky: Oh, she's a treas.

Voice Over: But a new factor had entered the race. A team of French chiropodists, working with brand new corn plasters and Doctor Scholl's Mountaineering Sandals, were covering ground fast. The Glasgow Orpheus Male Voice Choir were tackling the difficult North Col. Altogether, fourteen expeditions were at his heels. This was it. Ricky had to make a decision.

Patrice: Well, he decided to open a salon.

Voice Over: It was a tremendous success.

Advert Voice: Challenging Everest? Why not drop in at Ricky Pules' only 24,000 feet from this cinema. Ricky and Maurice offer a variety of styles for the wellgroomed climber. Like Sherpa Tensing and Sir Edmond Hillary be number one on top, when you're Number One on Top!