on november 28th, I found out that my hodgkin’s lymphoma has relapsed.

after my last treatment, there were still cancer cells in my body. such small traces that they were undetectable. they stayed quiet for a while, but started growing in the past six months.

i truly can not believe that I am here, posting this. I’ve had weeks to process, but I still have so many questions. why now, why me. why can’t I be healthy. after 2 and a half years of healing. I knew it would always be something that would be with me.. but not like this. my heart hurts. I truly hate cancer more than anything in this world.

I’ve been through every stage of grief, and now I am just numb. i’m hanging in there, trying to focus on the good, as I always have. but it’s been hard. I truly thought that if I was faced with it again, that I couldn’t do it. but I have to. I have to fight for this beautiful and wonderful life I have created since the last time.

I really don’t need anything, not right now. I just need to be healthy. last time, I appreciated all the love and support so much, but I need people to not reach out right now. not today, not right this minute. i’m still trying to process everything myself. i’m taking it one day at a time. doing every little ounce of self care I can do before starting again.

some videos I want to share, just for some more information (yes, they're all done by hank green who just explains things so well):

talking about relapse:
   • Remission  
what to buy a cancer patient:
   • What to Get for a Cancer Patient  


thanks for bein here.

love, kam


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