This episode is an update after a 3 month break of what we, mostly Zara has gone through. A live video diary if you will ( Recorded on May 1st, 2021) . The purpose,as always, is to get what we think out there but also as a reminder for 4 months from now. Mostly this episode is about how stagnant sickness can make you and how angering it is when no one validates or even believes your pain. Zara went through sciatic pain and lots of other pain and amidst that she found thinking of the grave during an mri more relaxing than thinking of home or people or familiar places. This episode is strange, both of us are getting back to hearing our own voices and not wanting to cringe, but we’re also getting back to be able to process whatever has happened in the last few months. There is learning, as always, and there are new things to create.

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This episode is an update. We recorded after 3 months. (other details of episode and what we talk about ) this is a live in process diary of what I (zara) have experienced. Hopefully the next few episodes will be in good health

I wrote part 2 of this poem after I got my MRI results back. It is a capsule of emotions and things I was going through at the start of my ill health. I have relapsed in pain and recovered from it since then. But it says more than I can about what it is like to be detached and suffering from the same root.

I also tried to write a reclaiming body piece but I don't think I am there yet. Hopefully by the end of this year its going to be part of a jam packed episode.

MY BODY HAS BETRAYED ME Part 2

A temple of Denial, secrets and war
A leaky gate with magical salt
My body feeds off me,
The duality of intent; the power of delusion

My body; the smart, the wizard
The warrior, the snake, the beheld prince
My body; a limb, unserviceable, bleak, broken
My body that hides it’s death
A corpse flower in full bloom