Can I fix the flickery mess of my first ever QBASIC driving game, from 1996? Of course. It'd be worrying if I can't. But join me as I dive deep into vintage code, show some of QBASIC's weird optimisation rules, and even find time to dabble in the realms of classic DOS fixedpoint polygon rendering.

Yes, it's one of those. Have your copy of The Revolutionary Guide on standby.

Also, watch @WhatHoSnorkers:    / jameso'gradywhathosnorkers  

And as promised, for anyone in need of a lastminute wedding present: https://files.timberwolf.club/RACE20.BAS

Subroutines:

0:00 I never manage to do what I'm supposed to
0:53 Anyway, here's Oval Racer and it is SHORT
1:35 Vintage code roadshow
3:04 PC speaker inbound
4:03 Timberwolf's donkey tribute
4:42 I have strong opinions about 1960s music. Again.
5:10 A new meaning for "only cheating yourself"
6:35 It gets real
7:27 Some QBASIC tricks
8:18 Unexpected bonus dog content
8:48 Reverse gear
9:13 The mandatory educational bit
10:51 Old PCs and that
12:35 This is totally how a car is made honest
12:51 But why?
13:37 My favourite type of programming: deleting code
15:10 The classic BASIC effect
16:08 Maybe it should be possible to win?
16:37 For certain values of functional
17:23 Serious expectation adjustment
18:06 Being optimistic about one's teenage self
18:21 Oval Racer is STILL short
19:35 Let's randomly diss a load of TV programmes
20:47 EXIT FOR

Games shown:

Velocity 2 SE
Velocity SE
Oval Racer (naturally)
DONKEY.BAS
Darkside
BeamNG.drive

Comments are prereviewed to avoid spam. I aim to publish all comments, including dissent, but overly pedantic or negative ones may be moderated. Hearing about different experiences and what things were like in other countries adds a lot to the video! Please try to do so in a positive way while remembering that if I had to explain every minor international difference the video would be 2 hours long and boring, rather than 21 minutes long and boring. Failing that, at least make me laugh.

Bonus fact: all that music stuff refers to the battle for UK singles chart #1 4th10th February 1965, between two cover versions of You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'. Andrew Loog Oldham, manager of the Rolling Stones, was so incensed at the poor taste of the British public (Cilla's version was ahead in the charts the previous week) that he took out an advert in Melody Maker at his own expense to point out how much better the Righteous Brothers version sounded inadvertently coining the phrase "Wall of Sound" to describe Phil Spector's kitchen sink approach to pop music production.

Wait, wasn't this supposed to be about BASIC?