Over 60,000 children in the America are sexually abused on a yearly basis. However, parental sexual abuse is especially unimaginable and horrific. Due to concealment, many cases of parental sexual abuse are never exposed. Adam knows the trauma of parental sexual abuse all too well. Adam was sexually abused by his father from a very young age. It was through surviving and trying to deal with the trauma from the sexual abuse episodes his dad put him through that he turned to alcohol and drugs. Adam feels it was not knowing how to deal with his confusion, anger, and emptiness which led to his drug abuse and alcoholism. Adam started using drugs at 15 years old.

Adam’s parents divorced when he was young, and he had to see his dad every other weekend. That’s when the sexual abuse took place. Adam has vivid memories of making a therapeutic outcry about the sexual abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. He also remembers being interviewed by detectives. But his father was never convicted because his mom didn’t want him to have to go to court and suffer even more.

Adam’s Uncle Joe took him to his first AA meeting when he was 16 years old. Adam has been to 10 rehabs in five years. Adam felt like he had the right to use drugs and alcohol, and he began to play the victim. He wore a mask not letting anyone into his life and heart. All Adam knew was at the end of each day, he was sad. That led Adam to take more drugs so he wouldn’t or couldn’t feel the sadness. Adam has been diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder, bipolar type 1, schizophrenia, depression, and a host of other disorders. But the disorder diagnosis changes depending on what doctor he is seeing and why.

Adam thinks he started making it out of addiction and into recovery by acknowledging it was okay to have weird feelings and not understand if something was wrong with you. Because in the end something is wrong with everyone. In essence, Adam got tired of hurting himself. Adam knew enough to know his pain escalated to unimaginable levels in the second chapter of his life. That’s the chapter that happened when he had to stay with his father during visitations and had to endure parental sexual abuse. It was that very chapter that made him feel, “like trash.”

Adam is a bit confused as to why this time his recovery and rehabilitation ‘took,’ but he’s very grateful it did. Adam’s wise enough to know in the “blink of an eye, he could end up going back into the whole drug thing. But he likes the trajectory he’s on. It’s a beautiful thing.” Adam tries to accept his life now. He understands that just because he is doing the right things doesn’t mean he deserves all the right things happening as a reward. Adam feels he now has some measure of peace because his recovery from alcohol and substances has shown him recovery is always worth it. But you have to want it for it to work.

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Parental Sexual Abuse Led Me on a Path to Addiction
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