Lists of personality traits come with cautions, so don't use what's written in this blog as a way to diagnose someone. Equally don't ignore the signs if they are present.

If you are living with someone who is narcissistic it will be very difficult in the long run if you don't get help. And if they don't get help. It a personality that is damaging to those around it.

There are a number of traits listed generally for a full blown diagnosis of the personality disorder. They can exist to some extent in all of us and also can emerge more at specific times in our lives, such as adolescence, and then submerge.

For a personality disorder to exist, the traits are pervasive in the individual and also persistent or difficult to change.

Here's the list:

Superiority
Sense of special entitlement
Arrogance
Envy
Lack of empathy
Grandiosity
Exploitative and controlling
Fantasist about power and status
Grandiose and overblown

Anyone can have elements of these traits, they are in many ways normal to be being human. But for most folk they come in manageable doses. Also most folk can 'catch themselves on' and with insight stop the behaviour. A narcissist lacks this insight and humility to accept the behaviour is undesirable.

Additionally when with a narcissist you may experience their interpersonal style as angry and argumentative. People talk about 'walking on eggshells' around their narcissistic partner or parent.

The narcissist will often have very low self esteem and cover this up with anger and defensiveness. So the healthy interplay of growth and learning between two or more people is blocked and all social situations become focussed on their need to have their self esteem bolstered.

It's a 'Humpty Dumpty' state of being involving a fear of breaking into so many pieces they can't be put back together again.

Long term exposure to all of this will cause you lots of hurt and damage. You may develop post trauma symptoms, your self esteem will suffer, you social support network will shrink, you will develop codependent behaviours to survive, you may develop drinking or substance abuse problems to deal with how bad you feel about yourself, shame will become a major issue, your narcissistic parent or partner may become violent as well emotionally abusive.

So get help if you are experiencing any of the issues listed above.

For today say

I can bring the focus back to me and look at what I think, feel and want