What Happens When You Stop Paying Attention To A Narcissist? | Narcissism | NPD

When you decide to stop giving attention to a narcissist and start playing their game by pulling back a bit, being cold, or giving them a taste of their own medicine, a few predictable reactions can occur. The narcissist's response largely depends on whether they are receiving attention from other sources.

If the narcissist is getting plenty of attention and validation from other people, your withdrawal may not affect them significantly. They may not care much because their ego and need for admiration are being fulfilled elsewhere. In such cases, they might simply move on, looking for attention from others without giving much thought to your change in behavior.

However, if the narcissist relies heavily on your attention and validation, their reaction will be quite different. In this scenario, they are likely to come back and try to reengage you. This is known as "hoovering," a tactic named after the vacuum cleaner brand, where they attempt to suck you back into the relationship. They might use love bombing, which involves overwhelming you with affection, praise, and attention to win you back. They might act exceptionally loving and considerate, making you feel valued and needed.

This pushpull dynamic is a hallmark of narcissistic relationships. When they sense that you are pulling away, they intensify their efforts to draw you back in. However, once they feel secure that they have regained your attention and affection, their behavior often changes. They might become cold and distant again because they believe they have reestablished control over you.

The extent of their reaction depends on the narcissist's current situation and options. If they have numerous sources of admiration and validation (also known as "supply"), they are more likely to be independent and less affected by your withdrawal. They will simply seek out the attention they crave from other people, diminishing your importance in their eyes.

On the other hand, if they are not receiving adequate attention from others, they will focus more on you. They will invest effort in reeling you back in, as their need for validation becomes more urgent. They will employ their typical manipulative tactics, trying to charm and persuade you to return to their sphere of influence.

In summary, a narcissist's reaction to losing your attention depends on their current supply of attention from others. If they are getting enough elsewhere, they might not care much about your withdrawal. But if they depend on your attention, they will likely make significant efforts to win you back, using love bombing and other manipulative strategies to regain control. Once they feel secure again, their behavior is likely to revert to being cold and distant, perpetuating the cycle of manipulation and control.

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